Every once in a while one of my friends will say something silly like, “let’s go camping.” My response is “why don’t we use an outhouse just for fun? Why don’t we chisel out a book using a hammer on a rock? Why don’t we just save ourselves some pain and go to work on our vacation?” Humans have worked hard all their lives to not have to live outside. Going camping is like regressing in time. It’s going back to things that we left for a reason. I say we leave camping in the past and spend our vacation days doing something relaxing. The following are reasons why I HATE camping…
- It’s outdoors and I’m not a big fan of nature.
- Truthfully I don’t think nature is a big fan of humans. If it was why is it always attacking us with allergies, poison ivy, and natural disasters? To spend long periods of time in nature is giving it more chances to torture you.
- Sleeping on the ground is inhumane. I’ve gone camping and they wanted me to sleep on less cushion then what most people make their pets sleep on.
- The bathroom situation is scary. I don’t like going to the bathroom in the woods and my only alternative is a public restroom that is covered in disgusting. Add to that the fact that no one feels safe enough to go the bathroom alone. It’s pretty much the scariest place to walk at night.
- When I tell people why I don’t like camping they often respond with, “well you’ve never been camping with my family.” They then rattle off all the stuff they bring to go camping. If it’s really so great why do you need so much stuff?
- Bears. When I go on vacation I don’t want to have to even think about being eaten alive.
- Bugs. I hate bugs and bugs are everywhere when you camp.
- Speaking of bugs, I believe it was the great Jim Gaffigan who said “if it’s so great outside why are all the bugs trying to get into my house?”
- Camping is so miserable it makes the little things seem amazing. For dinner we ate hot dogs and mac n cheese. In the real world, unless you are under the age of 12, that’s nothing to get excited about. Every time I’ve been camping people eat the hot dogs and mac n cheese and act like they just ate a steak from Ruth’s Chris.
- There is no Chipotle.
- I like to take showers.
- I like to take showers and not have to wear flip flops…aka shower shoes.
- I like to take showers and not worry about getting a foot fungus if my foot slips out of my shower shoes.
- I think s’mores are overrated. They are messy and too much work for not enough enjoyment. Plus pulling out a yummy bar of chocolate is guaranteeing that you’ll be attacked by a Bear.
- I once went with a group of friends who wanted to be manly and not use the public restroom. The first time one of them dropped a deuce it missed the ground and went into his pants. I don’t even want to know how he cleaned that up with leaves.
- I actually like to hike. It’s my favorite part about camping. I don’t do it often but when I have gone camping I enjoyed hiking. What I don’t like is the fact that I can’t shower and I have to rest my tired body on a hard service known as the ground.
- I’ve been camping a handful of times. It’s rained every time.
- I think movies tell us a lot about things. You want to know the perfect scenario for a scary movie? Send people camping. Think about how many scary movies start off with people going camping.
- I dropped out of Boy Scouts. Going camping reminds me of my epic fail.
Not my thing either. Other than being an inexpensive alternative for a vacation, I don't see the draw for camping. And I'd rather pay for more comfort–I'd be happier in the long run.
Another reason–no electricity for hair dryers and curling irons. Pretty much a dealbreaker for me! Or you have to use the "gagnasty" public restrooms, and who wants to spend more time in there than is necessary?
My kids have never gone camping. Hmmm, wonder why?
If you are circulating an anti-camping petition, let me know. I'll be the first to sign.
I've never understood exchanging comfort for discomfort, and calling it a vacation. What is it people say they are getting away from?? Cell phones and TV can be turned off, computers can be unplugged. I don't think you have to go to the woods, as Thoreau did, to live deliberately, but I'm the product of parents who took one family trip in a camper, came home, and sold it.
I can deal with bugs, eating hotdogs, sleeping on the ground, and even crapping in the woods…its the lugging extra junk around…vacation is where you pack a swimsuit and sunglasses and erthing else is all inclusive! hilarious and truthful post!
I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in. ~George Washington Carver
I believe that there is a subtle magnetism in Nature, which, if we unconsciously yield to it, will direct us aright. ~Henry David Thoreau
Nature will not be admired by proxy. ~Winston Churchill
but those are all the reasons i love it…smiles.
if it weren't for the quality campfire time, the outdoor exploration, and cooking food over a fire or grill…. i would be completely against the idea due to the bathroom situation. just…. gross
Mim, I never knew that about your parents. That was funny.
This made me laugh out loud! I guess we're not going camping for our vacation in August! Love you!
Oh yeah….one time I went camping with Kim & Meag in college. I threw up (more like spit up) on Meagan one night, and neither of them would go with me to the bathroom. I was so scared! (You'd think Meag would need a sink!) Plus there was a creepy guy on a golf cart monitoring the campground.
This is one of the funniest posts I've read from you…It's the only way to prove your manhood Rob
I totally agree with you. If I never camp again, it will be fine with me. We camped for every vacation for years when our kids were little. The guys always told us that they cooked every meal over the campfire — that is a vacation for you. What they didn't think about was that we prepared every single item that they "cooked" over the campfire, and then cleaned up the scummy pots and pans and did the dishes. Yeah, some vacation. This statement sums it up for me. "Camping is the only vacation where you have to work your butt off just to eat and sleep."
The things enjoyable about the outdoors (beer, boating, bonfires, fireworks) can all be obtained without sleeping in a nasty smelly dirty tent and having to endure the horror of public restrooms/showers! The next time someone tries to convince me with the words "but this is a nice campground" I will punch them in the face! THERE ARE NO "NICE" CAMPGROUNDS!!!!