I don’t think that I have any mortal or immortal enemies. I try to get along with people. I try. I try and yet I seem to have a lot of beef with people. Almost every month I will develop a new problem with someone. I rarely confront the person because I’m afraid of confrontation. Normally when I have an issue with someone I have an incredible verbal bout with them in the imagination of my mind. In my mind I am amazing at saying what I’m thinking. I say it so well I shut the other person up and they repent of their stupid ways. Oh, by the way in case you didn’t know it’s never my fault. I am not sure what irony is but I think that last line was an attempt at it.
Whether you are a cast member of the Jersey Shore, a CNN reporter at a republican convention, or a baptist at a business meeting you have felt tension with another human being. Or even if you didn’t find yourself on that list I bet you can smell what the Rob is cook’n and it smells like drama. Why do we always have issues with other humans?
Ephesians 6:12 “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
Did you catch what that verse said? Our struggle is not against humans. When we get upset with people our struggle isn’t really with them. We focus on the physical world when we should be focusing on the spiritual world. We focus on what we can see but we should focus on what we can’t see. There is a spiritual world that we can’t see and according to this verse that’s where the real beef lies.
Do people often get on your nerves? Do you have battles in your mind? Do you smell what the Rob is cook’n?
I don’t have confrontation. I dislike it but sometimes have to engage in it. I have found though that long before I engage a real person I often do the mind thingy. Funny, I always come out on top! 🙂 People do get on my nerves but i am sure I never get on theirs. And after that remark it is time to check out.
Bill, sounds like we are pretty similar in this regard.
should have said “I hate confrontation.”
can’t type: “I don’t hate”
I am wretched with confrontation. Absolutely wretched. But I can also tell you that avoidance of saying what needed to be said to folks that were in my life has ultimately cost me so much more in terms of pain and suffering and anguish than if I had just said what needed to be said at the time. I may have eased myself of a small burden in the short term, but I was eventually crushed by something much bigger later on.
I hear ya on this one. I’ve had my fair share.
I believe a lot of confrontation depends on a person’s personality. I am a very easy going guy. There are few things in life that upset me enough to get into it with someone, however, there are some areas. Being in the military for the past 11 years I have of course had to engage in it, when normally I would not. Things that get on my nerves and urge me too wanting to get into a confrontation.
1) People who don’t park in designated spots. Example stop in the middle of the road, to run into a store.
2) People who when they are pulled over by police, pull into an active turning lane. REALLY? Not that I would get into it really over that.
3) People who are at core, mean spirited.
4) I hope this is not offensive, to anyone, it’s just my preference, but those who sag their pants showing their underwear. I just do not understand it, I mean I am not GQ or the authority on style by any stretch of the imagination. I just completly can’t understand it.
Your fourth comment made me think of that song Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, look’n like a fool with your pants on the ground. That was a great moment on American Idol. Did you see it?
I can’t say I recall that bit. I tend to loose some cool points when I start dishing on how much of an avid American Idol fan I am. Rebecca enjoys taking little digs here and there about it..lol. Looks like now though I have something to YouTube.
I hate confrontation more than you, but I don’t want to argue about it.
One time I had to have a chat with a neighbor about something. I stressed all day about this conversation. Driving home from work I almost threw up with dread.
We had the conversation. His response?
“Man, I’m really sorry. I didn’t know. I’ll fix that right away.”
This sounds like a scene I have lived countless times, except that I tend to throw up. Of course, Rob will never be able to relate to this aspect as his hurl tally is still set at 0.
Isn’t it crazy how we build up confrontation? Most the time it’s not as big of a deal as we make it.
I am definitely not afraid of confrontation. If there is some type of problem between me and another person, I like to address it with them so that it can be resolved quicker. I try to address them in love and not in judgment, but I often find that others are seriously not open to confrontation, and would prefer to just avoid it all together. I recently had two confrontations with 2 people in my Core Group. I tried to address the situation politely and with love, but I was met with huge opposition and attack. I felt rejected and hurt for some time. I just figured the people themselves had their own problems or issues, or they are afraid of confrontation, or perhaps they are just mean/rude. But I failed to focus on this one factor that you mentioned here in your blog, Rob, that there is always a spiritual force at play in every situation. That perhaps my battle is not with them as humans but the spiritual realm. Definitely has given me something to think about…
Even Jesus’ best friends said things that were off. I think Jesus saw that when they did that there was something spiritual going on. He told Peter “Get behind me, Satan.” He saw that things were spiritual and not just physical.
yep yep. also, takes alot of discipline to not blame it on the other guy.
But it’s always their fault. Wink wink.
I do smell what you are cooking. I do not like confrontation, but have become comfortable, using my own style which is usually calm, and straight-forward. I have found it is usually easier to confront than to live with a continuing issue that keeps getting bigger and more obnoxious.
I recently had to pull a student aside privately following a class I was teaching. He was rather immature and pushing the limits. I simply asked, “Are you serious about the class?” He replied, “Yes, Ma’m.” I continued with, “I need you to do something for me, then,” and proceeded to outline the behaviours I wanted him to change. The student was quite contrite and agreeable. I hope the changes occur.
Good move. I hope that works.
GREAT post! There are times when I feel like I’m constantly in conflict with people around me, and then I realize… it’s something more than what’s in front of me (much like what this post says). Thanks for giving us great perspective on a common problem!
Danielle, my pleasure. Thank you for the comment.
I’m learning that, although I don’t like conflict and/or confrontation, I am learning that there are times a manners in which it is very appropriate to address them. In addition to being a lesson for me, it has been a teaching moment with my children, since some of these situations call for me to address issues with how others have treated them. Like me, they want to avoid the conflict, partly for fear that it will make their situation worse. We have had a couple of situations recently in which we have addressed the issues and the other person has responded very professionally, thus teaching my kids that addressing issues can be very healthy.
Great point. My wife is a lot better with confrontation. I hope my kids are more like her in this manner.
I smell it, it was under my pillow.