I love that I have twin babies. I love it, but it constantly reminds me that I would hate to be a baby. Sure it comes with some good things like being waited on hand and foot, being able to take multiple naps in a day, and not having to worry about matching your clothes because you can wear a onesie. But I’ll take being an adult over being a baby every day. Here are some things that make me glad I’m not a baby.
- They scream to communicate. Hungry = scream. Gas = scream. Tired = scream. Bored = scream. Dancing with the Stars is on the TV = scream. Now granted that last one is from me screaming, but you get the point. I like being able to communicate by speaking instead of just screaming.
- They poo and pee in their pants. Granted sometimes this would save some time, but it would stink (pun intended) to sit in your own poo until someone changes you.
- They get swaddled in straight jackets. I hate…let me repeat…I hate going to a hotel and getting into the hotel bed. Stay with me on this. It’s so binding and tucked in that it feels like being swaddled. I kick like an infant until I get the sheets untucked from the bed. I can’t imagine being swaddled as an adult.
- They get diaper rash and and need butt paste. Okay these could be two separate bullet points, but they kind of go together. I don’t get rashes…thankfully. I also don’t have to keep butt paste for myself. I didn’t know this until this past week, but when you apply butt paste you have to rub it in with your finger. Your FINGER. My wife loves me, but I don’t know if she’d put butt paste on me.
- They only eat liquid. Have you ever been on a liquid diet? I have. It was called fasting. It was for God and it was awful. I am so glad I get to eat Chipotle.
- They can’t see. I don’t know how far they can see, but I know it’s not far. I like to see.
- They go cross eyed, their eyes roll up in their heads, and they throw up. As an adult that is a clear sign that you are possessed by a demon or two.
- They can’t keep a pacifier in their mouth. If it didn’t cause them to suffocate, I’d be a HUGE fan of a pacifier that could be attached to a babies face. Similar to those contraptions that come with some braces. My twins love a pacifier, but they can’t keep it in their mouth. I’d hate to have something I love slip away from me so easily.
Now that I think of it a lot of these things apply to getting really old. That sounds like a blog post for another day.
I’m glad I’m not a baby, but I sure do love the two that God gave me! Enjoy some pics from their first photo shoot provided by Barbspencerphotography.com…
So what’d I miss? What is one thing that babies do that you are thankful you don’t have to do?
baby acne and bald spots with no ability to comb over! 😉
That's funny Heather.
Nothing like reading about and thinking about butt paste as I am trying to eat my breakfast. Did you know that they use Butte paste in Montana? Also, now that I think about your words, I wouldn't mind having a onesie or two in my wardrobe. It would make so many things (so many) so much easier.. Oh, and your question. One thing that babies do that I don't? Have you ever seen a baby spontaneous puke the white liquid of death? Dis. Gust. Ing.
Have you heard the way some people talk to babies? I think that would get old fast. I am a big fan of talking to them normally, myself. Sure, some baby talk is bound to escape, but I wouldn't want a steady dose of it. Love this blog, Rob!
The extreme of even a good thing is usually bad. Being waited on and cared for is good, but being totally dependent on others = helpless. I wouldn't want to be as helpless as a baby. Also, totally love the pictures, but wouldn't want to be in any of those naked poses.
Those photos are fantastic.
Shakespeare talks about how similar the elderly are to newborns in – what's now know as – The 7 Ages of Man. I think it's from As You Like It (but I'm too lazy to google it).
A good list. But I could use to be cuddled for a while. Thankfully, my twins are still cuddlers, so I guess I still get that.
Nice post.
Hilarious post! I loved it! What if we couldn't burp until your buddy patted your back for you after you ate? Think about it… sitting at Chipotle with Steven, Jamey and Phil… you guys finish your meal and then have to take turns burping each other so you don't get indigestion! HAHA! Luckily, as adults we can burp whenever we want, all on our own… and we can say Excuse Me too! Thanks for sharing your funny baby posts with us! Love reading about those babies!
Found you from your post on Daniel Floyd's site. I too have twins. You made me laugh and yet also reminded me how fast it all goes by. I yearn at times to go back to all that burping, paste and onsies. LOL Mine will be 8 this summer. Take your time with yours. Cuddle and hold and enjoy every minute while they are helpless for it will be one day that you and I will be helpless and hope our twins will come and cuddle and hold us. God bless you and your family.
What a funny image, Bethany.
Thanks for stopping by MRJ. You are welcome back any time.
That is really funny. I might ask my friends to burp me to see what they say.
The google line made me laugh.
Mim, the naked comment is right on. I'd hate that.
Thanks Meema92!
Great comment!
Be burped!
Oh my goodness! Butt paste, pacifiers and swaddling… still laughing! Thanks for the chuckles. Excellent post! lol!
Seriously funny stuff as usual Rob!! Love the good laugh and also the pictures are sooo perfect!!! You have two beautiful little ones there!!! You know they still make so called "onsies" for women…have seen some really pretty tops that ended up being like a "onsie" with the three snaps…have never purchased any myself but might be cool to never have to worry about your shirt coming out of your jeans…One thing you have to do as a baby; have your nose "sucked" out with one of those "suction thingys"…thankfully as a grown up I am able to blow my nose if need be 🙂
That is a great one. That snot sucker is scary stuff.
Thanks. Excellent pictures!
That would be awful.
dude you have some incredible looking babies…these are awesome shots too…lakers fans in the making eh?
Funny blog, but very true. The Butt Paste finger thing was a "Welcome to Fatherhood" slap in the face. But I do highly anticipate the day when Hudson brings home a girlfriend and I get to break the ice with- "You know I put Butt Paste in that boy's crack with my finger when he was just a little baby."
Loved the post and the pics! You have some beautiful babies!