The following will probably eliminate me from parent of the year contention. I’m not sure that is really an award. Even if it’s not an award the following will probably make non parents and perfect parents judge me. The following moments are not moments that I am proud of.
Here’s the scene: It’s 2:00 AM. My son, Hayden, was crying no scratch that freaking out um…still not it…hulking out. I had tried everything to calm him down. Now he doesn’t normally act this way so I wasn’t used to this type of behavior. Normally after he is fed he is quiet and falls to sleep. Not this time. This time he screamed. My nerves were all but shot but then he took it to a whole notha level. He pooped. He pooped enough poo to make me yell, “OHHHHHHHHHH!” as soon as I opened the diaper. Now instead of letting me clean him in peace he kept hulking out. He was reacting so much he was kicking his legs into his own poo.
His twin sister is sleeping, I’m tired, and he’s kicking his legs in his poo at 2:00 AM. It was rough. I finally clean him up and start to put the clean diaper on him and he sprays pee everywhere. I’m talking on me, on his face, and on his new un-used diaper. It was at this moment that in the midst of him screaming that I said, “shut up.” Now shut up is not a phrase that Monica and I use to each other. It’s not a phrase that I ever want to say to my kids. In fact it shocked my wife so much that she started crying. My wife doesn’t cry so I knew I messed up.
Now Hayden hulked out often that night and into the morning. So much so that Monica called the doctor. I can’t remember the official name but apparently Hayden has a baby version of acid reflux. He has to sleep in his car seat, take adult Malox, and he has to be propped up as he eats. I already felt bad about telling him to shut up, but now I felt worse. At least I now knew the reason for his actions.
I’ve said this on the blog before but hurt people hurt people. People that are hurting and don’t deal with their hurt will often hurt others. Hayden was hurting and I didn’t deal with it properly.
It makes me think about how I respond to others that are hurting. We tend to be reactionary and if someone is rude to us we lash out at them. But maybe they are hurting. Maybe we should show a little bit of grace. Maybe we shouldn’t tell them to shut up. Maybe through caring for them they will get the help they need to not hurt anymore.
You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. – Jesus.
If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you. – Solomon.
put boppy pillow in bassinet or crib or couch where ever helaying or eating and him in it it keeps him elevated my daughter had acid reflux and it was bad and she was just born and 2 weeks later going through a deployment she is 3 today and still sleeps on her boppy pillow i know your feelings exactly part of parenting and seeing new things everyday but try this it will work
Tirzah had acid reflux to and apparently you know this but giving them Malox helps the reflux but gives them MADDDD blowouts in the diaper…it was like clock work with Trizah…
There is no guilt in the world like the kind we place upon ourselves as parents. What makes you a great parent is the fact that you addressed his unusual behavior to find the reason behind his crying…now you will all feel better. Awareness is key. You both are amazing people…your children are blessed.
Thanks for the reminder. My 5th grader has some girl relational drama going on and I needed to be reminded that these girls are the same girls I have known and loved for years. I want to hurt them but found myself praying for them with my daughter this morning. God really does change us; doesn't he?
We have all been there before. You are NORMAL! 3 of my 4 had acid reflux, it's tough. My last seemed to cry all of the time for the first 3 weeks. Then we had an upper GI done, they put him on Zantac and he was a different baby. He is almost 18 months old now and still needs it. Hang in there, unfortunately you will have some more "not so proud moments" but it's all in how you handle it afterwards. Your kids will see you mess up, see you and Monica have a disagreemenet…..BUT seeing how you fix those things, is what they will learn from. Hang in there. 2am is hard, well having babies is hard. Praying for you guys.
ALL parents of twins hit that same wall Rob…
And if the twins do EVERYTHING at EXACTLY the same time….???
Double dooty!
That's why once in a while you have to take Monica out on Date night! WOO-HOO! (Minus children…) So you can both breath ~
without smelling poo! 🙂
Funny how God uses those teachable moments to redirect us to Him…
Congratulations. You just won Parent of the Year! : )
PS Its easier when they are in the same class, same homework, same sports team! Hang on!
Give yourself the same grace you will give others. You are only human and have human limitations, and it is hard when they are so inarticulate and you get so little sleep. You will mess up, but if God is good, and we know He is, then you will have money for Hayden's therapy when he needs it. Just kidding – sort of.
Oh Rob, you crack me up — and you humble me — all in the same blog. You guys rock, and unfortunately, you will have many moments that you wish you could take back. God has that covered — we don't remember anything before the age of 2:-)
I got such a belly laugh out of the kicking, screaming poop scene — I think that must be a right of passage for every parent.
Sorry that Hayden has to struggle with reflux!!
Colleen
i hear you man…the early days of having a child are rough…there were many nights i walked laps like a zombie around the house just to get them to sleep and i might have dropped a shut up in there as well…and i so agree on the date night…you need those respites…
Sorry to hear about his acid reflux!
Oh man, it sounds like a rough night and a hard time for you and M. As you can imagine, we ALL have been there and done that. Even though your little one is too small to understand, I have always found it cleansing and healing to ask for their forgiveness. Oh, and you should not beat yourself up too much for what you did, you will make far worse mistakes in the future. That's not said to be funny. It is the truth. You should learn how to deal with your own mistakes sooner rather than later in a loving and healthy manner.
Rob- That made me think of your time with "Timmy"….
I have enjoyed keeping up with your families expansion through your blog.
Thanks
Scott
I dont have kids, but I can relate to your message of reacting in the moment and regretting it. I am in awe of your candor and your naturally ability to teach us awesome lessons about life through your mistakes, failures and victories. I thank God for you everytime I read your blog. And now to redirect the touchy-feely nature of my post: HARDCORE-PARKOUR!!
Oh Rob! Thanks for sharing your less than perfect moment. It's what makes your blog a part of my life-you are authentic. You aren't afraid to share the tough things as well as the fun and entertaining stuff. Know we are praying for the Hulk!
William went through a few weeks of this when he was a newborn. He slept in his "lucky chair" (the car seat), and would sometimes scream. And scream. And scream. We would tag team parent. I may (or may not have said), Please take him before I chuck him out the window. Now, I was being funny, in my I-am-at-my-limits way. I'm not sure how people do it who are in more trying circumstances (e.g. poverty).
I've said "shut up" a few times. It happens. Just don't add certain colorful words between the 2 words. That is much, much worse.
Done.
It ain't easy but yes He does.
Thanks! Do you have twins?
Thanks Cara!
I hope I never get to that point.
Leanne, that is funny. Did it work to help him not scream any more?
You are welcome. Thank you for the comment!
Thanks Geoff. Hardcore Parkour indeed.
Scott, help me remember…who is Timmy?
Thanks Brian. We have been doing the date night once a week since they have been born. Good times.
Colleen, I am glad that you laughed. I was hoping it would make someone else laugh. It wasn't funny in the moment but after it was very funny.
Funny.
Thanks for the prayers. We need em.
Yes Rob I do…
I am blessed to have the twins ~ Matthew, (aka Max )
and Vita, (Mariah Victoria – but that's only when shes in trouble… )
Now the ripe age of THIRTEEN!!! WOO- HOO!!!
God in his rich mercy sent Michael ahead of time as a prototype…
😀 All three have survived my lack of parenting skills…..
Rob, didn't you know that the "Parent of the Year" award is given on opposite day? The days I have won the award are when I let David sleep in his peed on sheets (cause I don't dare wake him to change them…just slide a towel under the kid)…when I push James a wee bit too hard in the swing and he ended up with 7 stitches…when I thought it was a "great idea" to let the Easter Bunny scare my boys….you know, all those wonderful moments!
Kevin and Kelly Siegel say that anything said between the hours of 2am-4am DO NOT COUNT. I totally agree. Both our boys were HORRIBLE babies. Seriously, David cried for the first 5 1/2 months, and I've just blocked out the first 3-4 weeks of James's life (especially from 3pm-7am). It WILL get better. Or you will get used to it. 🙂
Thanks for your honesty–perfect parents are lie-ers. and non-parents have no idea.
Every new parent I know has had at least one freak out moment they're not proud of.
Yours was pretty mild, if that makes you feel any better.
I wonder what I'll do?