I’m hurting. I’m hurting for a good friend who lost her dad.
I don’t think I’ll forget where I was when I heard the news. I was in a meeting and my cell phone started blowing up with messages. First was our admin assistant. I snuck my cell phone under the table hoping that others wouldn’t see me check my phone. My first thought was that I must have forgotten about another meeting. I started to panic. Thoughts of a couple waiting for premarital counseling in my office while I’m out at another meeting filled my mind. I quickly told myself that I checked my calendar that day and there were no other meetings. I then told myself that I’d listen to the voice mail as soon as we got a break.
Before I could pretend to be listening again at the meeting my phone went off again. This time it was my boss. I had the same thought about checking it at the next break, but then it was followed up with a text that said, “call me asap.” I hate that my first thought is that I’ve done something wrong. I don’t get yelled at by the people I work with and I’m decently responsible. I think it has to do with my selfishness and the thought that the world revolves around me. I politely dismissed myself from the meeting to check the voice mail and then call my boss back.
When he told me who passed away it didn’t even register. It felt impossible to hear. As one good friend put it after hearing the news, “this stuff just doesn’t happen to us.” Later in the day shock settled into tears. I couldn’t stop crying for my friend. As the day went on I heard more and more about what happened. He was hit by a car whose driver fell asleep at the wheel. He was only 55. I hurt for my friend.
Later that night we went by her house to spend some time with her and her family. When something like this happens it can be awkward to know what to do. Do you talk about it? Should I just sit in silence? Is it ok to tell a joke or to laugh at any point in the night? After hugging the family members I tried to let my friend do the talking. If she wanted to talk, I’d listen. If she wanted to cry, I’d cry. If there was anything I could do to help her not hurt, I’d do it.
Today is the funeral. Even though I find joy in knowing that her dad is in heaven I still hurt for her. I hurt for her mom who lost her high school sweet heart. I hurt for her younger brother. I hurt for my friend.
losing a parent is hard stuff. this brought back memories of T's mom passing….i feel for them as well…
Both of my parents deaths were "expected" and they were devastating. I can only imagine how much more under these circumstances. I'm glad that they have you and other WEC-ers there for them.
Rob, many prayers for all of you today! I am sure you will be so much comfort to her and her family.
Kim
Kind of hard to know how to comfort folks in pain. I guess that you just need to look for their cues. Dang, moments like these are rough.
All you can do is love them like Jesus. There are no words that will help at a time like this. Your instincts are correct. Let them lead the way in how you react with them. They will appreciate your kindness.
Such a sad sad thing to happen to anyone, but it is hard to believe it happening to someone we know and love. I am praying for them and will do anything they need!
What a tragedy. When my baby died I appreciated those who would sit and just listen or sit in silence if I needed that. Taking cues the grieving is a wise thing to do!
I am so sorry for the loss and the pain you must all feel. I think it is remarkable that you are such a good friend that you hurt for them. God must have needed another angel.
I am so sorry for your friend and I will keep you all in my prayers….
So very sad!
It sounds like you did all the right things! Your support will always mean the world to your friend and her family.
such a trajedy..praying for the family and I know you are a great comfort to them, it sounds like you are just the kind of friend they need!
I hurt for the family, also, Rob. I did not know her father and only know Lindsay by face. I will keep her and her family in my prayer, as well as the entire WEC staff. God Bless.
I've only met her once, and have never met her dad, yet the tragedy of it all… it's impossible to not hurt for them. Josh and I have talked about it over the past few days… even when it's expected, it's terrible… but the unexpected, and at such a young age. Scary to realize that we are truly not in control of anything.