I’m currently watching a Rock Band video version of a classic Beatles song. A video game version of Ringo is singing, “I get by with a little help from my friends.” VH1 has been playing these videos for the last couple of weeks to promote the Beatles new game.
Last week my cell phone rang with news that a youth pastor was facing charges of having a relationship with one of his 15 year old students. This youth pastor was married with kids. I’ve received far too many phone calls like this for it to shock me. Not even a month ago I was talking to one of my friends about another pastor who resigned because of an affair with his assistant.
I understand how this can happen. I’m not lonely. I have lots of friends. But I don’t have anyone in my life who talks about the struggles in life. In fact I could make a decision that would ruin my life and get away with it for weeks before anyone would notice. Right now the thing that keeps me on the straight and narrow is my love for God, my love for my wife, and my desire to not let down the Students that I lead. But far too many leaders, who are greater than I, have fallen and it does worry me.
I believe that all of us need “a little help from our friends.” We need to be there for each other before, during, and after a fall. I pray no one ever has to make a phone call about how I ruined my ministry because of some stupid affair. I’m praying even harder that God puts into place the right people who love me enough to ask the hard questions. People who don’t assume every thing’s fine because it always has been. Friends that will be so involved that they notice if I start to do something stupid.
ministry can be a lonely place…any job can that you are fully invested and it takes up a majority of your time…sure you have your team, but yes we all need to have someone that holds us accountable, asks us the tough questions to make sure we don't fall asleep at the wheel in our ministry or in our relationship with our wives…
posts like these are the reason why I respect you so much, and why I keep coming back to read more. I need constant reminders like this, to jot down & mentally prepare myself now… so I'm ready & grounded in accountability and in the strength of my faith when faced with conflict as a married man, and in the ministry
Top shelf post Rob
Over 28 yrs of pastoring I've seen my share of wreckage including guys on our staff.
So what to do …
love God passionately – confess your sins, grow a pure heart
talk about what is every man's battle – acknowledge & normalise it – stop pretending it doesn't exist
develop at least one male friendship that incorporates an openness to talk about this wrestle
operate clear boundaries – don't cross them
yell for help when you need it
This is great Rob. I think if this were the Bible times, this might be talked about more…in Light of what David did with Bathsheeba, but it's funny how in a world that has lost it's moral compass and anything goes, Sex, it's lure and temptation…is still very much taboo in Christian circles "we just dont talk about that 'worldly stuff' and that's why we fall to worldly temptations.
Even the disciples always went out at least in pairs…It's accountability…and I think you are on the right track. The male eyes are a gateway to so many opportunities for sin. We gotta keep it in perspective.
Great truth man!
Nice post that ministers straight to my heart. Speaking from personal experience, I wish I had this sort of brotherly bond with folks, not just to keep me on track and speak truth to me, but to give me advice and let me know where I was sowing seeds of neglect and impatience. At one time, I thought I knew it all.