Today I have a guest post thrown down by Ricky Anderson. I met Ricky on the world wide web but it wasn’t through a dating service and it wasn’t in a chat room. I don’t know why but I feel like I have to clarify how I meet people on the Internet. It was through a mutual blogging friend. I left a comment on a blog about the infertility issues that Monica and I had. He read the comment and then came to my blog. I haven’t been able to get rid of him since…and that’s a good thing. Read his guest post below and then check out his blog here.
Rob has been pretty open about the difficulties he and Monica had getting pregnant. While I can’t say I’ve been through everything they’ve been through, I can relate a little bit.
My wife and I tried for two and half years before we were successful. During that time, we sought help from an infertility treatment center.
You’d be surprised how many ways they can test you. You’d be even more surprised how many ways they can humiliate you while doing so.
I won’t go into what the woman has to endure, because I’d probably pass out from the squeamishness of it. I’m not going to pretend anything the man has to go through is even an iota near what the woman goes through…I’ll let a woman write about that!
At the doctor’s request, I went to have a “specimen” collected and tested at the lab. As you can guess, I was a bit nervous about this. I’m not the most outgoing guy in the world, so ‘nervous’ would be an understatement. I felt like I was about to take the stage at Saturday Night Live, in my underwear, with no script.
I trepidatiously made my way to the counter and said hello to the grumpy lady behind it. I looked both ways, and quickly handed her the folded doctor’s note (I would make a horrible drug dealer or CIA agent). She hardly glanced at it, handed me a plastic cup, and directed me down the hall toward the restrooms.
Yada, yada, yada…
I made my way back down the hall, alternately studying the wall and the floor. I nervously approached the grumpy lady behind the counter once more.
“Did you write your name, social security number and today’s date on the label?”, she asked.
“Uh…no. Didn’t know I needed to do that. Sorry.”, I mumbled.
“Here’s a pen. Take it back to the restroom and fill out the label. You can’t do that here at the counter.” She hadn’t looked up during my chiding.
I sheepishly headed back to finish my paperwork and shortly returned.
I looked both ways, then quickly slid my pro-life contribution across the counter. She picked it up and made a frowny face, which quickly evolved into a look of complete terror.
She exclaimed loudly, “We don’t collect THAT type of specimen at this office! You have to go to our other location downtown!”
If they had an Olympic event for how quickly you could exit a humiliating situation, I would have taken home the gold!
What’s an embarrassing situation you’ve had to run from?
Dude, even filling the cup with the appropriate bodily secretion they tell you to is embarrassing enough. I hate those doctor's offices that make you wander about in plain sight carrying a small cup of wee. I haven't yet filled one with the wrong stuff though. Maybe I will do this next time to kind of mix it up a bit.
LOL, that's quite the story.
I think even Rob would agree that your situation WAS in fact AWKWARD 🙂
Ho. Lee. Crap.Â
This is the greatest thing I've ever read.
EXCUSE ME?
Wow…..ohhhhh wow. I'm rarely this commentless. Wow. I…. Uh….wow.
This makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. Well played, sir.
I don't have a whole lot of embarrassing stories but my girlfriend wrote about one this week. It was about her walking through a museum for about an hour with her skirt tucked into her undies. A little lady that didn't speak English came over and helped her out.
When we had fertility treatments, they sent me to a urologist to see if I was the problem. His nickname was Dr. Jellyfinger. I'll leave that up to your imagination.
When they have you leave the specimen, it always amazes me the amount of porn they have laying around to "help out". I figure they must hire an intern to both spray the used stuff with Lysol and run out and buy new ones when they need replaced. Gross.
Knox, that is a strong comment. Thanks for the re-tweet.
Danielle, if there is one thing that makes me nervous it's talk about bodily fluid. Awkward indeed. I got nervous just reading this post. My wife laughed after reading it, and that is not an easy thing to make happen.
Dustin, yes it is…yes it is.
Daniel, that last line is ha-larious. It literally made me laugh out loud.
Russ, gross indeed.
Tony, that is a great story. What is your girlfriend's blog address?
Is that a wow out of an admiration for humor or a wow out of digust?
Hahahaha. This tops all the blogs I've read all week. Hahaha. Sorry man, but that's hilarious.
Here's the story:Â http://katiemaesdailies.blogspot.com/2011/06/butt-i-digress.html
That is the best story ever. I want to be a camera grip in the movie starring Ben Stiller cause he's got all the copyrights.
Excellence.
That was most excellent. Thanks for sharing.
Any embarrassing story I have would get spanked by that one.
That should have been my first indication – no porn!
I'll have to check that out! I hate it when I don't wear my skirt correctly.
Except the Bible, right?
#jesusjuke
Please do. And then post the video!
Yeah it's hard to beat that story. Might be the greatest ever.
that sounds so embarrassing!
(urine trouble…)
That would be oh so embarrassing.
Admiration because that story could never be outdone.
Disgust because that story could never be outdone.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHSHAHAHJAHAHAHAHAJAHAHAHAHAHAJAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAJHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
That is funny stuff Daniel. You should record that.Â
Great post. Hilarious… I couldn't imagine how you must have felt.Â
Oh.My.No-you-didn't! LOL! This is the best story I've ever heard. It makes tucking my skirt into my undies seem way less embarrassing. Thank you for that. 🙂
Thanks for stopping by. Your blog was very funny.
😀 so, this made my day!! and I'm bettin that grumpy lady pays a bit more attention when explaining what exactly she is needing!!!
Imagine the most embarrassed you've ever been, and then imagine that happening on national TV in your underwear.
My wife and I both laughed and learned from your post.
She and I have an agreement about telling each other when we need to fix something – we just do it in code.
For instance, "Bat in the cave!" means "There's a colossal booger escaping thy proboscis!"
I'll bet so, too.
Either that or she just quit.
I'm hoping she did, in case I ever need to go back there…although it would have to be a life or death situation to get me back to that clinic!
And even then, I'd have to consider dying instead…
Dang, Ricky! That’s awesome! Can’t believe Rob actually used the word, beat, in the comments.
I have a similar story, but the collection took place at home. Unbeknownst to me at the time, not all of it made it into the little cup. Yes, my wife stepped in it. (Don’t tell her I’m sharing this).
OMG. That’s terrible and hysterical. Thanks for linking up with the humor me blog hop!
This is something that would totally happen to me… you know, if I had sperm. This is hysterical!!!
Oh my gosh!!! I’m laughing hysterically out loud! So funny and soooooo embarrassing. I’m so glad you linked this up!!
So awful and hilarious!
LMAO!! O.M.G. That is horrible like a train wreck that you can’t look away from but so funny. Awesome share! Thank you for linking up!!!
Terrye, thanks for stopping by. Your blog was filled with great stuff. I enjoyed looking at it.
This is still the best ever!