So it’s official…I’m a dad. My twins were born last week and that means I don’t have time to blog. In my absence I asked some friends, acquaintances, and some people I don’t know to guest post. Today’s post is provided by the following: Leanne Shirtliffe. Leanne is the mother of six-year-old twins, William and Vivian. She blogs at IronicMom.com, where her motto is “If you can’t laugh at yourself, laugh at your kids.” When she’s not parenting, writing, or being walked to her car, she teaches middle school, where dealing with other people’s kids seems remarkably easier than managing her own spawn.
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In order to offer cutting edge and original advice to a new father, I decided to do some primary source research. I took my six-year-old twins, William and Vivian, out to a restaurant that supplies kids with wax crayons, and I interviewed them.
Here is the transcript, minus the broken crayon tantrum.
QUESTION 1: What would you say to a dad who has just had twins? What is important for a daddy of new twins to do?
Me: How do you do that?
Vivian: You trick them.
William: You have to play with them.
Me: How do you play with them?
William: You play jumping on mommy.
QUESTION 2: What should a daddy do if he’s alone and both babies start crying?
William: Play jumping on mommy.
Me: But Mommy’s not there.
William: Why not?
Vivian: Sing a Rock-a-Bye song.
QUESTION 3: Finish my sentence. Babies are __.
Vivian: Cranky.
William. Mom, do you know how to jump checkers?
Me: Answer the question. Babies are what?
William: Happy.
QUESTION 4: Babies are happiest when __.
Vivian: You lift them up and spin them around.
William: Mom, can we go see Killer Whales sometime?
Me: Answer the question. When are babies happiest?
William: When you make funny faces at them.
QUESTION 5: The #1 job of a dad is to __.
Vivian: Do joking.
William: Mom, can I have a cookie for dessert?
Me: Answer the question. What’s the most important job of a dad with babies?
William: Play games.
Me: What kind of games?
William: Tic-Tac-Toe.
QUESTION 6: Mommies are happiest when __.
Vivian: They go out writing.
William: Mom, can I watch Transformers tonight?
Me: Answer the question. When are mommies happiest?
William: When they’re tickled.
Vivian: Mommies also like compliments.
QUESTION 7: The best way for daddies to help mommies is to __.
Vivian: Give them ideas for writing things.
William: What? I wasn’t listening.
Me: What’s the best way for a daddy to help a mommy?
William: By showing her the way to the car.
So, Rob, whether you’re playing “jumping on mommy” or showing Monica the way to the car, may this advice offer some sort of reprieve from sleepless nights.
And in the words of Anne Lamott, “Having a baby is like suddenly getting the world’s worst roommate, like having Janis Joplin with a bad hangover and PMS come stay with you.”
Good luck with that. Times two.
Leanne,
This blog was very cute ! Loved your twins answers ! Tell them they gave great advice 🙂
Stacy
Wow, what a great series of guest posts this week. I'm going to miss them. I haven't missed your regular posts at all. Kind of forgotten who robshep is at this point. (Smiles)
Great advice, kids. Keeping a sense of humor will see you through.
Very cute 🙂 Goooood luck.
It's awesome, fun, exhausting, infuriating, wonderful & magical – all rolled into one… or rather.. two!
Kids should be interviewed on a regular basis to give insight on the worlds problems. Love their responses! And I also love the fact that she quoted Anne Lamott!
beyond funny!! do they have a hot line? I'm thinking I could uses their advice….. A LOT
Beautifully said.
Also?
I think William is Hillarious and Vivian knows her moms love for writing well
Dear Rob and fans of Rob,
Here's some link love for you. Watch the video that Chase McFadden did at Clay's blog today. You and your twin-week feature rather prominently! http://educlaytion.com/2011/04/08/mmm-and-the-winner-is/
Great advice & hilarious too! Thank you!
Oh so brilliant! Love it. William is very into the Socratic method eh? Jump on mommy. But mommy's not there. Minor detail.
These guest posts have been such good stuff! I have really enjoyed reading them. The interview was such a great idea.
Funny. At least I hope you are joking.
Thanks Tommy. She is a great blogger! I love that she has twins.
Clay, thanks for the comment. The video on your site is amazing! Thanks for running MMM. It was wicked awesome!
That video is awesomely funny. Thanks for the guest post. It was most excellent.
Agreed.
That's funny.
Derek, I loved that too. Especially because you just did a review of Anne's book on your site.
It is for sure. right now they both are crying for no reason so…we still love this time though.
Someone's been putting in a lot of time writing lol 😉 Anywho, Rob, I think you'll do fine, not only because you don't have any other choice but to take care of them anyway, but also because twin/parent relationships tend to work themselves out. Start teaching independence as early as possible or you'll be sooooooorrrrryyyyyy. J/K you'll be fine. Mom will do most of the work anyway hahaha. Or wait, is that just my house??? I don't know. Don't take my advice, I suck at parenting, I just like to play lol. Good luck!
Thanks I think. Your comment was great.
Awesome, Leanne! So right on the mark!
I'm dying.
By #6 the whole "William not paying attention" bit had me rolling.
And Vivian knows her mommy so well.
Loves this post.
I hope new daddyhood is agreeing with you Rob!
Rob, just, well, you can't stop time. Whatever is happening with the kids, it will pass because the seconds will tick by and sleep will come and maybe even showers for the parents. With soap.
But, between the tears and the diapers and all the times two troubles, there will be joy in abundance and you'll laugh like god meant you to.
Good luck!
Ninja Mom (mom of four, with identical twin girls in the mix)
did no one else think the "jumping on mommy" game that daddy plays is HILARIOUS?!
An absolutely perfect welcome to new life, times two. Congratulations and well done. All of you. Well done!
Non Sequitur Boy strikes again. He is on fire.
Thanks ninja mom. Love the name.
It is. I love being a dad!
I love laughing at my kids… it is pretty much what keeps me going some days! This was a very funny post. Kids say some hilarious mess, that is for sure! Getting advice from kids is always entertaining!
Thanks!
I thought it was ha-larious.
Funny! Conversations with my 13 year old twins sounds just like that… minus the crayons…