It’s ok to complain if…
- It is constructive with the goal of making a situation better.
- It is surrounded by compliments. Let the person know what they do right before and after.
- It is done with respect.
- It is to the person you are complaining about.
Most people end up complaining to someone who can’t do anything about the situation. It’s not ok to complain if you are just venting about someone else. That’s destructive and won’t fix the situation. When we complain to someone who can’t fix the situation we are just trying to find someone to validate our feelings. It may make you feel better but it spreads negativity and doesn’t fix anything. If you really want to fix the situation then it’s important to talk to the person face to face. Otherwise you are just creating negative noise. By the way this is a message to myself.
I can do nothing but nod knowingly. I am mister negativity, mister grumbling, mister complainer. I try to do better but struggle way too much on this.
At NAMI we use a "Praise Sandwich…" Tell the person something positive, then throw in the negative, then tell them something else positive that they do well. It works wonderfully!
Elyse, that's great!