I’m a people pleaser. For years this is something that God has been working out of me. One of the things that I’ve noticed about being a people pleaser is that I hate confrontation. I’ve gotten a lot better at it, but I still find myself avoiding it.
One thing that God has been showing me is that I can’t be responsible for how other people are going to respond. In life I should be respectful to all, but there are times when I should confront someone. There are times where it is actually unloving not to confront someone. It’s unloving because it affects their quality of life. If I don’t confront them then what I’m saying is that I care more about my comfort then I care about them. That’s selfish.
In those moments I need to cowboy up and respectfully, lovingly confront the person. God has showed me that if I confront out of love I can’t be responsible for how they respond. They may get mad or they may appreciate that I loved them enough to talk to them. Either way I’m responsible for the way I love and respect a person…I’m not responsible for how other people respond. What are your thoughts about this?
too true. worked with a client whose mom never held him accountable and now feels like nothing can touch him. until that world fell apart because someone finally did.
I have sensed this coming for some time now Rob. Go ahead, let me have it.
Yeahhh ROB get em people are most likely going to first respond negatively but they will appreciate it later
That is awesome, Rob and I think very necessary. Confrontation is not fun, but I’m learning, in the situation I’m in that it’s necessary. You are right, you cannot be responsible for how other people react, and quite frankly not confronting is not biblical!
Blessings,
Brian
Confronting without being confrontational–good thoughts, Rob. I was such an introvert in younger years that I prayed to be bolder in this area. You are right; it is selfish and cowardly to not confront; I have learned how to confront well in counseling situations. In personal areas, I sometimes wait too long, hoping the situation will correct itself. That’s usually a mistake. When a situation escalates, I am more likely to lose my objectivity and confront with a tone of confrontation–not good–unless it is a deliberate tactic to get the person’s attention.
I’m in the same boat Rob but what you said is very true.
Good thoughts. In my opinion, it’s entirely possible to be too confrontational.
To confront to quickly (or without carefully thinking it through) is as bad (selfish) as never confronting at all. Tone, setting, real reason behind the confrontation all factor in… to say you’re not responsible, in part, for how it’s received is wishful thinking.
That said, the majority of people error on the side of not confronting.