Fact: Tyler Stanton is ha-larious. Fact: Tyler Stanton thinks Knox McCoy is really funny. Fact: That makes Knox McCoy ha-lariously funny. I am privileged to be apart of Knox’s virtual book tour promoting his new book Jesus and the Bachelorette. I haven’t read the book yet, but I will. I am buying it for my wife’s birthday. Lucky for both you and me we get a sneak peak of his new book. Enjoy!
__________________
The following is an excerpt from Chapter 2 of my new book, Jesus and The Bachelorette. If you enjoy it, you can purchase it here OR you can do it via Amazon for your Kindle.
If you hate it, let me know and I’ll mail you a copy to burn with a flame thrower or destroy with a hand grenade. I feel like if you’re going to defile my book, it really needs to be in a fantastic fashion. There’s nothing dramatic about dropping it into a garbage bag. I want it to be like a scene from Transformers. Minus the robots though. I don’t need robots. Just explosions.
But I mean, now that I think about it, if you have a transformer robot and you want to use it to destroy my book, I guess that would be pretty fantastic.
So to recap: you can buy my book via Amazon for your Kindle or on my site. If you hate it, let me know and I’ll send you a copy, but you have to destroy it with a flame thrower, hand grenade, or transformer using a flamethrower and/or hand grenade. I feel good about this.
2 – A Comparative Analysis:
Chris Harrison and Kirk Cameron
Listen. I know. You’re skeptical. Jesus and The Bachelor/ette? And now, I’m sullying the good name of Mikey Seaver with the name of this chapter? What kind of monster am I? Just bear with me though. If I can find three things that Jesus and The Bachelor/ette have in common right now, promise me you’ll read the book and refer it to someone else? Ok? Ok.
Similarity #1: The show and the church are both institutions of this great country and they represent a belief in something greater than themselves: love and supernatural faith, respectively. Admit it. You thought I was bluffing didn’t you? Like maybe this was really going to be a book about the zombie apocalypse or something. If you’re still skeptical though, that means you obviously don’t like love or devout faith. Now who feels dumb? Not the guy that wrote a book about Jesus and The Bachelorette. So given that similarity, can we find another one? Yes. Yes we can.
Similarity #2: Chris Harrison, the show’s host, is a Christ-figure. Totally kidding there. Just wanted to make sure you were still around. Chris Harrison is as much a Christ-figure as I am a mathematician. And to qualify that analogy, I did so poorly in the math section of my ACT that my advisor thought there had been a computer error. There wasn’t. We’ll get back to Mr. Harrison in a bit. Similarity #2: If we agree that the show and the church exist to perpetuate the ideals of love and faith, then we can also agree that sometimes, they don’t do so well. No big shock there. Both are human constructs only as capable as we are and judging from episodes of the Jersey Shore, as a race of beings, we are lacking. We may be fist pumping, but we are lacking. So that’s two things in common. Are you getting nervous yet? How are you going to tell your friends and family that you read a book about The Bachelorette? When you do, let me know so I can possibly co-opt some of that reasoning. At any rate, you should fast track this as a priority because Similarity #3 is coming at you like a hurricane fueled only by agape love.
Similarity #3: Both the show and the Church feature people who are searching and in this search they are vulnerable because the pursuit of faith and love are inextricably linked to a reliance on things we don’t and never will fully understand. So boom goes the dynamite. That’s three and since I did those three, you KNOW I can find more. You’re talking about a guy who specializes in strange analogies. When I was younger and received the sex talk from my dad, he was covering all the peripheral things about sex and trying to get it over with and make it as non-awkward as possible. When he quickly glossed over the concept of condoms, I was all like, “Condoms? How do those relate to condominiums?” And he was all like, “I think we’re done here.” Sorry, Dad! The point is, I may be eligible for the Special Olympics because of my math abilities, but I’ve compensated by contriving similarities between supremely dissimilar things. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.
So let’s dive in. Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose. That doesn’t have anything to do with this chapter, but I’m watching episodes of Friday Night Lights on Netflix right now and I don’t really have a lot of chances to say it. So Chris Harrison and Kirk Cameron? Let us release the kraken of reasoning to discern their relationship….
To continue reading this chapter, make it rain and buy the book. Maybe then I can buy my own Transformer.
Knox McCoy
Do you love or hate the Bachelor/ette?
I don’t think I should have to wait until November to get the book! I have a Kindle & you can’t stop my from buying the book today. Excited. On a side note, I tried to watch the Bachelor Pad and lost some serious IQ points. Not sure I can watch much more.
Okay, you won’t. Happy August.
Thanks, Monica!
The Bachelor Pad? Oy. That was tough to watch. I made it like 10 minutes and had to go stare at a coloring book to revive my brain.
I just started reading it on my phone, so I had to just read your intro and skip the actual post.
Monica, Rob said it was ok to get it now.
Ricky, you are right…she can have the book now.
Thanks to Rob and Knox! I’ve got the book and finished chapter 2 yesterday – it’s a highly entertaining read. I can honestly say that I’ve never read a book that contains, within the span of a few paragraphs, the rugged handsomeness of Alan Thicke and the word “Obliviousness.” That’s pure awesomeness!
And that’s why I love Knox’s writing.
Thanks Tor!
If we can’t talk about Alan Thicke when we think about God, then what’s the point? I refuse to believe that God would create a guy that good-looking with such great hair and not intend him to be some kind of metaphor for faith. But that’s me.
I don’t care for the bachelor/ette. Never watched an episode. I do care for Christ and His church though… and I play a role in that story. 🙂
Good luck with the book. Any chance of instead sending a page eating termite… that instead eats all the pages? That would be cool.
That would be cool. I also don’t care for the bachelor/ette but my wife does. I also love Knox’s writing so that’s a win for me.
Crap. I wish I would have waited and bought it on the Kindle.
Hate bachelorette. Love Knox.
Agreed about the hate love.
Thanks, Tony!
Never seen the Bachelor or Bachelorette.
And I tease my dad about our sex talk when i was younger. It was before we became Christians. Probably shouldn’t say what he said.
That’s funny. That could be a funny blog post for you.
I don’t think anyone should be held accountable for conduct within the sex talk. It’s a pressure cooker of awkwardness.
Used to watch “The Bachelorette” – but only one season when the pretty gal who had her choice of about a hundred guys – chose the fireman. I liked that season. Oh and there was a season where I watched “The Bachelor” when the guy who was a heir to the Firestone tire fortune was “The Bachelor” I forget his first name. He clearly chose the wrong gal – and it didn’t last. But to my knowledge the gal that chose the fireman – has lasted and that was several years ago now. Hmmmm. I’m not sure what I think about the comparison – it’s pretty funny though 🙂
Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate the comment love.
Knox, so not so much a fan of the bachelor or bachelorette, but gotta say I might read your book for the humor factor, pretty dang funny stuff.
Have you ever read his blog?
I really appreciate that. Thanks for reading!
don’t care for the show, but i’ll tell you what… somehow it seems to make its way into our house no matter what.
we haven’t had cable for 9 months or so, but for whatever reason, my wife still knew everything about the show–who got a rose, who was the front runner, etc. ahhh!!
Well if you watch it the next day and have your wife read Knox’s recap while watching it you will enjoy the show. That’s how I made it through the last few episodes.
It’s very insidious that way, Dustin. It will not be denied.
HI postawgo, check up on my site.
ROB,
Why are you responding using Monica’s name?