I’m hanging out with high school and middle school students at Student Camp. While I’m away I asked for some of my friends to guest post. I met Dustin on the world wide web. He has a great blog over at Abraham Chronicles. He blogs about how to do the father thing right. He lives in Atlanta, GA and he was kind enough to do a guest post for me. Check out his blog here. You won’t regret it.
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Our youngest daughter Harper “slept through the night” for the first time the other night.
If you are a parent, or know of a parent, you know what a glorious day that is.
She surprised us by going from 9:00 PM to 8:00 AM — quite a long stretch considering she had been consistently waking up around 4:00 AM the last couple weeks.
What I’d like to share with you, however, happened the day (or night, rather) before that happened.
It’s 3:58 AM. Harper was just about to cry. I roll over, grab her out of her bed, and place her on our bed while my wife gets ready to nurse her.
I’m mentally out of it, half asleep, and my eyes are about to roll back in my head. Meanwhile, I’m changing her diaper, getting her prepped and ready for her feeding thinking she is about to go nuts. She’s hungry for pete’s sake!
I look at her, again thinking she’s about to cry, and say, “Hey Harper!” (You know, in that please-calm-down-and-don’t-cry-voice.)
She does the opposite and whips out a little smile. Scratch that, I swear it was a “Ha! I got you Dad” smirk.
She pulled a fast one on me. I was thinking she was about to do one thing, and 180s me and does the exact opposite.
She ate fine that night, fell back asleep, and woke up at 8:00 AM.
Thinking back on the episode, I can see that she had been toying with us. Straight up manipulation at the fragile age of 11 weeks. So much so that the next day she “decided” to not wake up at 4:00 AM and “let” her parents sleep for a few more uninterrupted hours.
I folded my cards. She had me beat. I was out-maneuvered by a newborn.
Such is the life of a Dad.
One thing’s for sure: I’m certain my kids will out-maneuver me all the time. Eventually I’ll be outdated, slow, and out-of-touch.
Another thing’s for sure: I cannot out-maneuver my heavenly Father.
No matter how hard I try, I cannot:
- Hide anything from Him.
- Accomplish something to earn His acceptance
- Say the “right things” to merit His grace.
He already knows. He unconditionally accepts. He freely dispenses grace.
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Tell us about a time you’ve been BabyJuked.
What does your morning routine look like?
You are asking me to remember way, way too far into the past. Heck, I'm an old man. But I do remember our family dog used to get all worked up when my daughter cried. Our dog used to "come and get us" when the baby cried in sort of a Lassie-ish kind of way. "What's that, baby's in the well again?" Good doggie, here's a treat.
Awesome!
My schedule…4:30 AM wake up. Prayer. Bible. 7 AM in the office. Bed by 11PM
My only baby juke stories consist of smiling babies that proceed to puke their guts out on my shirt.
That totally counts. Just wait til you're a dad… it'll happen more often than you want. 🙂
MPerk = Machine.
If only I could be disciplined enough to be in bed by 11pm… :-/
Dogs will do anything for some kibbles 'n bits! 🙂
I have to say, Harper does look like a baby-juker. She's so smooth and easygoing. Sort of like a mafia baby. I like her style.
I remember those days well – but have been more than babyjuked – we've been childjuked and teenagerjuked – and now they are both adults – so I suppose they even have adultjuked us. *sigh*. Oh well – Precious memories – remember God gave you that child for a very specific reason – and NOT just to mess with you – although it sure feels like that – especially during the teen years! Hang in there Dustin – you've got about 20 more years to be TOTALLY JUKED!!
LOL, that was great! I'm so excited for when I get Baby Juked someday. hahaha.
How silly that I constantly try to juke God. As if he could ever be surprised by me. And yet, He is so patient and loving and amazing!
Praise God, right? Even though I try to manipulate Him, he's never out of touch, out of date, or too old to relate.
Countless times I've been babyjuked, especially when it comes around diaper-changing time. What is it about having the diaper off, where they feel relaxed enough to just "let loose?"
Morning routine starts after the coffee's been consumed, everything before that is a blur.
My kids outsmart me all the time. I'm gonna be told, and soon I'm sure, that I'm out of touch. I'm SO thankful though that right now, my kids are not snotty disrespectful and hate me. I'm so thankful for that. In a way, they have outsmarted me right there because I expected much worse. My daughter just turned 12 in February. Right before my eyes, she sort of became this teenager, almost. And it took me for a loop the other day. But I see the beauty in all of the ages from baby to 5 year old, to 8 year old to pre-teen. And even though the teen years are supposed to be horrific, I hope i get "juked" in that area too…because God has shown me that there is something beautiful, not only in the baby years when they are precious and small, but also in the years they are at now. My kids still like me and that's saying something because I've done a lot to make them not like me. And that's how beautiful God is.
My kids juke me out all the time. Just the other night I told them to head up stairs to get ready for bed and I thought they went up. However, as I approached the stairs they were hiding quietly behind the couch waiting to scare me. My 4 year-old and 2 year-old had never been that quiet before. They got me good.
My mornings are different – I get up early a lot to read or go to a breakfast meeting. But on the other days I let my daughter wake me up and help me get ready for work. She picks out my shoes.
Mafia baby for sure. She'll attack when no ones looking… and take all your money!
Yikes… thanks for scaring me, Cindy. 🙂 j/k
So patient and loving — couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks, Alex.
The Baby Juke is a cherished event. Your time will come soon. 🙂
Man, I can so relate.
Just last night, our older two girls were supposed to be sleeping (they share a room) and I walk by their room at 10:00 pm… and the light is on. I walk in and what do I find? My 2 yo, butt naked… just hanging out on the floor… Gratefully, she didn't "soil anything" (LOL), but it was funny…
I don't believe it, all 3 of your girls are angels they would never do such a thing!
I know, hard to believe, right? Behind their sweet facade, they are crazy firecrackers!! 🙂
Baby Juke story:
Me. Baby daughter. Diaper change. Diaper has been removed. Small fart occurs. Thinking to myself, "Okay, good. No big deal." Waited about 30 seconds. Go to put on fresh diaper. Anal explosion of epic proportions covers my hand. Juked.
My routine:
Wake up (7 am), get daughters, make breakfast for family, pack lunch for my bride, bride leaves for work, daughters and I spend day together, feedings, naps, diaper changes, outside playing, bride comes home, rest of day spent with all of them, daughters to sleep at 7:30 pm, bride and I fellowship on couch, go to sleep by 11 pm. Simple enough.
Beauty in all of our kids' stages… I want to embrace that as well. Thanks, Michelle!
Two things:
1) Whenever the kids are quiet, you KNOW something is up. They are into something they shouldn't be into, or they are causing mischief.
2) I want to hear more about your daughter picking out your shoes. Have you ever gone to work in Tevas before? 🙂
>>>"Anal explosion of epic proportions covers my hand."
Um…. that was quite the mental picture. I've had a similar experience where I'm about to put on a fresh diaper and I couldn't fasten it quick enough… and just had to nearly "plug the hole" (like a dutch boy plugging the dyke). Yeah, it was disgusting.
I had what was perhaps my most favorite mommy moment to date on Saturday-a baby juke of epic proportions. I would love to share here, but I'm already planning to post on it next week in all new episode of "Missing Pop Parables". Stay tuned, my friend.
I'm with Tony…not many baby stories except for a puke story as well. While in India, we were driving (and mind you it's super hot), and my baby nephew proceeded to puke all over me (ugh), and then he started smiling as if nothing happened….
I tried that once, but it ended up increasing the pressure of the outputted fecal matter, quite like putting your thumb over the end of an open garden hose.
Yes. You're welcome for that mental image, as well.
I have 3 kids – so you can imagine how often I get juked! I loved reading this man. Reminds me of being at home!
HA HA HA, that my friend is hilarious!
Holy moly…. I am literally speechless. HA!
Dads of Three Kids Unite!
Ahhhh, not even a sneaky peaky??
(I can't wait.)
LOL!
Not only is the puke bad, but hot puke is amazingly bad. 🙂
Rough estimate seems about 50% of baby jukes involve poo/pee/puke in some way. I've got one that fits the mold. Mom had a nice warm bath drawn for our precious angel 6 week old baby girl, getting her nice and clean before church. So Dad, that's me in my Sunday finest ready to show off our bundle of joy, undress the apple of our eye. I proceed to carry our delicate flower the 10 feet to the tub, take 1 step and feel the warm trickle of baby poo/pee running down my arm, leg, and onto the carpet. Ahhh the memories, holding tight onto that one to share with future assault victims … I mean boyfriends.
I have all the diaper and puke stories as well, or course. (Although, thankfully not as dramatic as Donald's.) The one that comes to mind for me though was maybe a year ago, so Shiloh was about 3 years old. We were in the car and she asked if we could listen to her music. The she stuck her little lip out and said, "Because I'm sad that I don't have a daddy and my music will make me feel better." It was almost a baby juke except that it backfired on her. I laughed and told her that wouldn't work (although she did get her music). I was amazed that she would think to manipulate me with that at such a young age.
Nice Dustin! lol…Oh…I wrote about this on my blog on friday!…when my wife and my daughter were dancing silly to britany spears, and I change the station to the christian station and say…yall Need Jesus!….and my wife says…We do got Jesus!….and my little 5 year old blurts out…Yeah, in our Hearts!!!!!!
That was so funny….she got me….she toddler juked me!!!!
LOL, that is awesome. I liked, especially, how you described your daughter: precious angel, baby girl, bundle of joy, apple of our eye, delicate flower….
Then, BAM!
The trickle down effect/combo of poo+pee…. 🙂
Wow…. yeah, trying to pull on the heart strings a little, huh? Let me guess: she wanted to listen to Bieber? 🙂
Ha! Even 5 yr olds know how to juke their daddys! 🙂
When they get older they will try, " but Mommy said " in an attempt to gain approval for something suspect.
Beware! They get more cunning and we get more weary.
Thanks, I'd say there was a cacophony of emotions that day, and pretty much on most days as a parent.
🙂