If you are not married then I hope you will still read this post. There are four words that you should know if you are ever going to get married. If you are married then I hope you will read this post. There are four words that you should know when you are married. Are you ready?
What is that smell?
Kidding.
Put your spouse first.
Whether you are married or not it’s easy to live this life for yourself. You make decisions based off what makes you feel good. As a Christ Follower we are called to die to ourselves. That’s not easy. Christ Followers are called to live like it’s not all about me. To make sure we understand how we are supposed to live Christ modeled sacrificial living for us by dying on a cross. The Bible then flips the script and says that’s how husbands are to love their wives. Do what? Read Ephesians 5. Wives are supposed to love their husbands in a way that models how the church is supposed to love Jesus. And husbands are supposed to model how Jesus loves the church. When people look at your marriage they should be drawn to Jesus. You should love your spouse in such a way that it makes people understand Jesus’ love for us and models how the church is supposed to love Jesus. You are following His example. So here’s how this plays out…
- Put your spouse first – when you are watching TV.
- Put your spouse first – when you are making plans.
- Put your spouse first – when you don’t feel like it.
- Put your spouse first – when you are talking to others about them.
- Put your spouse first – when you are in the bedroom.
- Put your spouse first – when you pray.
- Put your spouse first – when you are talking.
- Put your spouse first – throughout your day.
- Put your spouse first – when you have kids.
Put your spouses needs before your own. Put them first. Before yourself. It will revolutionize your marriage.
What is the hardest area to put your spouse first?
After work I’m usually tired, which in turn makes me want to be selfish and lazy. I hate that. Sometimes I don’t even want to stand up and hug and kiss my wife when she gets home from work. I guess I suck.
Ryan, I don’t think you suck. We all have room to improve.
I think it’s a war, but this is what love is….seeking the best for someone over your own.
Larry, that’s not easy. I guess a war is a good way to put it. It’s more of a war from within. Fighting my own selfish desires is not a battle that I win often. Thank God for God.
The hardest place for me is in the bedroom. My wife can’t keep her hands off me and I have to beat her off with a baseball bat. LOL The opposite in fact. Putting her first is not easy. 🙂
Bill, that’s funny. I think that’s why I love Ephesians 5 so much. It wasn’t easy for Jesus to die on the cross. Marriage is hard! And yet it’s amazing!
How about when you spouse asks for a divorce? Still trying to figure this one out.
Do you remember what Jesus did when the townspeople got freaked out about Him driving the demons into the herd of pigs and they asked Him to leave?
He left.
Sometimes you can’t fix what’s broken and you can’t serve those who don’t want your service.
It sucks. It hurts.
I’m sorry you have to go through this.
I remember Chad Childress had a great simple diagram for relationships. He drew a triangle with God at the top and a man and a women at the corners of the base. And it very simply visiualized that when you grow closer to God, you grow closer as a couple. I thought it was cool way to explain what a relationship should be 15 years ago in youth group and it proves itself everyday in the lives of my wife and myself.
Scott, I remember that too. I also remember that you make amazing ribs. That might be the second thing that will change your marriage. Amazing!
i thought you were gunna say “i am sorry honey”…but yea, that’s tough too.
Rob, it was great to see you at Catalyst! And I am sorry honey goes a long way.
Amen, amen, amen!
clean the house guys!
Arny, does that include laundry?
I am sure I have dropped the ball in many areas here, but one that jumps to mine, is time. I have a tendency to load up my plate and back burner our one on one time together. I know that can get dangerous if left unchecked, so I will defiantly remedy this ASAP!
Joseph, we all need reminders. I need them constantly. It’s not easy, but neither was dying on a cross for us. Thanks for the comment.
can only men reply? lol. It is hard for me too when I feel like i have been at home catering to everyone elses needs all day. when he gets home I think ‘now i get a break’ but i realize he is feeling the same. but my marriage changed when I started believing that I need to put him first. funny thing is, he started putting me first more often too!
Becky, thank you for commenting. I’m glad a female jump in here. And it is funny how that works.
Putting others first is so difficult. We are proud by nature and we seek our own. But make no mistake, this is the secret to a successful marriage. If both spouses put each other first, marriage would be the awesome that it was meant to be.
Moe, agreed. People who complain about marriage should spend that energy focusing on what they are doing in the marriage. God has set up a game plan for marriage but most people don’t want to follow it. Then they complain that men or women are evil.
House projects – ouch. I am such a slacker!
(Good word today, Rob)
Dustin, I hear ya. Where you at Catalyst?
Truth. But I did love that, “what is that smell”? because life happens and the bad smell department always goes to the man. Just saying 🙂
Cindy, being a man I will say that I agree 100%. Now my daughter hasn’t learned that yet. She stinks. She stank 3 times today and it was nasty. I think girls stop stinking when they fall in love with a boy.
Good advice…Let me give out some more; NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY. God gives us the ability to love and we should love at all times. Dennis and I celebrated our 35th anniversary Sunday, the 9th of October, yesterday. Yes, we have had struggles. ( And smells. He would say they are from my bad cooking, seeing as the smoke alarm goes off and that’s when we know dinner is ready.) Putting your spouse first does not mean that you are giving up anything..it means that you are respecting them with all your heart.And over the years I have learned that a sense of humor doesn’t hurt either. Somehow we always manage to compromise with each other and the rewards are fabulous!
Barbara, I couldn’t agree more! That’s Biblical advice. The Bible says, “never let the sun go down on your anger.” Great comment. Thanks.
Don’t really have a “hard” area. Our first 4.5 years have been pretty easy. We did date 5 years before that though.
The biggest piece of cake–I want the biggest piece of cake.
verifiable good advice, as always.
when you’re running a footrace…put your…
The hardest area to put your spouse first is the area in which your spouse doesn’t put you first. 🙁 Even though we are commanded to love one another and put the others’ needs first, it is really difficult to sustain when that sort of love is not reciprocated.
I really appreciate the male perspective in the comments here. I’m encouraged to know there are so many godly men out there who are genuninely interested in the health of their marriages.
Keri, thanks for the comment. It’s true that it’s not easy. In fact without God I don’t know how it’s possible. I have found that when I love others it does something inside of them.
First of all you have to take the right decision in the life and if any problem occurs then say directly to the other that u are not ready for marriage.