Over the weekend I sat in traffic not once but twice while going to VA Beach. While sitting in it the second time I started thinking about other things I’d rather be doing than sitting in traffic. Here’s my list…
- Watch Twilight without Monica. I hate Twilight but I will watch it with my wife. It’s awful but I’d rather watch it then sit in traffic.
- Read Twilight books. The movies are bad but I’d always pick the movie over the book. Reading this would be awful but I’d rather read it than sit in traffic.
- Go to the doctor. I like that we have doctors, but I hate going to them. They poke and prod you and then make you take gross medicine. I dread going to the doctor. It’s awful but I’d rather go than sit in traffic.
- Get a rash. Rashes are gross but I’d rather get one than sit in traffic (as long as it went away).
- Take my shirt off in public. I’m not a fan of having my shirt off in public but I’d rather do that than sit in traffic.
- Babysit a cat. I’m not a pet person. I think animals were created to be enjoyed outside and on dinner plates. No offense pet lovers. There’s not much I like less than cats, but I’d rather babysit one than sit in traffic.
- Listen to a baby cry. A crying baby is not fun, but I’d rather do that than sit in traffic.
- Sneeze and fart at the same time. Have you ever done that? It’s awful. It kind of hurts. I don’t think that much force should come out of both ends of your body. It’s rough but I’d rather do that than sit in traffic.
- Eat broccoli without cheese. I like broccoli with lots of cheese. Without I’m not a fan. But I’d rather eat it than sit in traffic.
- Watch a reality dancing show. I like reality TV but I don’t like reality dancing TV. It’s boring to me, but I’d rather watch it than sit in traffic.
- Run. I hate running. I run because it helps me lose weight. At least when I run I am doing something productive. I’d rather run than sit in traffic.
- Have a tickle fight with a stranger. I’m not a touchy feely person. To have a tickle fight with a complete stranger would be awful, but I’d rather do that than sit in traffic.
- Smell the cheese. Who cut the cheese? I don’t know but I’d rather smell it than sit in traffic.
- Get my back waxed. I’ve never waxed my back but it looks painful. As long as it took less time than the time I sat in traffic this past weekend I’d rather have my back waxed than sit in traffic.
- Suffer through the Buffalo Wild Wings Blazin’ challenge. 12 blazin wings, 6 minutes, no water, and no wiping your face in any way. It’s torture but I’d rather suffer through that than sit in traffic.
- Watch a New World. Have you seen that movie? It’s like having your life move in slow motion. If I am ever told that I only have two hours to live I’m watching that movie because it will make my last two hours seem like an eternity. It’s boring but I’d rather watch that than sit in traffic.
- Wear a suit. I hate wearing a suit. I wouldn’t own one if it weren’t for the fact that most weddings and funerals require them. I hate dressing up in a suit but I’d rather do that than sit in traffic.
- Change a poopy diaper. I change a lot of those these days. Some make me gag. Others make me gag violently. I’d rather change diapers forever than ever have to sit in traffic again.
- Floss. I don’t like to floss. It hurts. My gums bleed. I forget to do it until two weeks before my dentist visit. I hate flossing but I’d rather do that than sit in traffic.
- Drink Diet Mtn. Dew. Diet Mtn. Dew shouldn’t exist in my opinion. It gives the amazing beverage that is Mtn. Dew a bad name. I’d rather dink Diet Mtn. Dew than sit in traffic.
- Watch an episode of Barney. Is Barney still around? I hope not. I don’t want my kids having to suffer through that. Barney is low quality TV but I’d rather watch that than sit in traffic.
- Go skiing. Some people like to ski. Those people are not me. I went once and I fell a lot. I don’t like falling. I like trying to get up on skis even less. I’d rather go skiing than sit in traffic.
- Root for the Celtics. Being a Lakers fan it goes against everything in me to cheer for the enemy. But I’d rather cheer for the Celtics than sit in traffic.
- Go camping. I hate camping. Camping is not vacation. It’s going backwards to a much less civilized time. Sleeping on the ground in a hot tent is awful but I’d rather do that than sit in traffic.
- Pluck my nose hairs. It hurts to pluck a nose hair. It hurts like a mother. I’d rather pluck a nose hair than sit in traffic.
Now as I was compiling my list I Jesus Juked myself. I started thinking about why I didn’t use that time to pray. Instead of complaining I could have spent the time talking to God. I hate that I wasted an opportunity to talk my creator. Maybe next time.
So what would you rather do than sit in traffic?
dude plucking a nose hair! yikes…..nice little bit of stuff to learn about you in these…so you must have got caught in traffic yesterday eh?
"Some make me gag. Some make me gag violently." If I had a nickel for every time I said those exact same words, boy howdy I'd have a stockpile! As for me, I love sitting in traffic. You see, I am afflicted by chronically low blood pressure. (smiles)
Daniel, you are lucky you don't live off of Rt. 17. It's inviting high blood pressure into your life because of all the traffic.
It was over the weekend. I had a wedding in VA Beach and going to the rehearsal and then the weddding there was a 20 to 40 minute backup.
Traffic in our area is like weather. There is not a thing you can do about it except start in plenty of time to compensate for it. I take it as a sign I need to slow down and focus on what's important. Maybe it's keeping me from an accident about to happen. Might as well think positive and use it as meditation and prayer time. I also carry small cosmetic scissors in the car. The natural light for trimming eyebrows or nose hair is so much better than indoor lighting–plucking nose hair–never! Get some scissors.
I would rather listen to county music than sit in traffic. i had thought about saying rap un-music but to be honest, I would rather sit in traffic than listen to that rap *rap. I would rather floss with braces (which I have to) than sit in traffic. In fact, I would rather floss with braces than listen to rap un-music. Can you tell I dislike that rap *rap? 🙂
I would rather eat a blazing hot Hot Pocket than sit in traffic. By the way–I'm a Jim Gaffigan fan.
I agree completely! We live in Chesapeake and I work in NN but also drop my kids off in Hampton, no where near where I work or live. I keep telling my husband how much nicer I'd be if I wasn't trying to get home without wetting my pants on a daily basis. We spend a lot of time in traffic and I often think of the thinks I'd rather be doing. Except for the cat sitting, I'd rather do any of the things on your list. I take sitting in traffic over being anywhere near a cat! You are right, complaining is just as much of a waste as sitting in traffic. I'm going to use that time to pray and see if that makes time go by faster! Thanks for the idea!
Remarkably, I'd rather sit in traffic than go to the doctor. And with only the most exceedingly rare exceptions, I'd rather go to the doctor than go to a wedding.
(No, I'm not exaggerating. I could make good money photographing weddings, but my unofficial business slogan is "Everything But Weddings." I'd rather not be anywhere near a wedding, personally or professionally. I give weddings five ughs out of five.)
Yeah traffic is miserable. I was headed to shoot a wedding a couple o weeks ago and got stuck in traffic, that was so stressful. Good thing i had left early!
Oh my GOODNESS!!! All of these are HILARIOUS!!! You are insane, man. Just insane. No one likes wasting time in traffic – but these are just ingenious.
I would rather go to the opera than sit in traffic..
Thanks Cindy. I had a long time to think of them. Traffic was really bad.
Burrill, you come out strong against weddings. I hear ya. I was actually going to a wedding rehearsal and the actual wedding when I was stuck in traffic. I don't hate em like you but they do take a long time. By the way your pictures are great!
Angi, I feel for you. That is no fun. And you are welcome for the idea. Good luck.
Love Jim Gaffigan! Love him!
I can tell you dislike rap. I almost put listen to country music on my list.
I left three hours early and had to sit in the parking lot to wait. I hate the tunnel.
I'd rather go to the dentist than sit in traffic… wait… no I wouldn't
Ha, nice post, I also hate traffic, that's why Cheyenne Wyoming is on my potential list of places to retire , rush hour consists of having to wait through two traffic light cycles. A few thoughts on the list: Babysit a cat, I think I'd go for traffic, or how about push a cat into the traffic? Sneeze and fart that's easy, but how would you feel if it was a sneeze and a foop? Tickle fight, careful what you wish for, you might just get a random tickle Sunday Morning, ha ha ha.
Just for the record, I'm adamantly pro-marriage. Sometimes when I express stern dislike for weddings, people make the leap to assume I'm against marriage altogether. That usually ends up being a superb opportunity to remind them that marriage can occur without a traditional (expensive, stressful) wedding.
Rob, You need to learn the back ways around it.
Rob, there is NOTHING wrong with babysitting a cat. Chris did it for me this past weekend. He said he never SAW my Thomas. Just put fresh water and food in a bowl. However, when I got home, my Thomas was very mad at me. Hissed at me for about 3 hours. Literally. Guess he was mad at me for leaving him. Then he decided to, at about midnight, love me again, and kept me up ALL night with loud meowing, which only stopped when I gave him lovies.. So, ya see, it's not the babysitter who suffers, but the owner. lol 🙂
Nancy, that's funny. I'm sorry you own a cat. Um…I mean I'm sorry your cat kept you up.
Xrsizenut, I was going to VA Beach. There are no back ways from Yorktown. The tunnel was backed up both times I went.
Sirvhim, I'm not sure what a foop is but it sounds awful. I will be watching for that random tickle. Don't be surprised if I act violently.
Brian, not a fan of the dentist? Me either.
LOL…. specifically at 5,8, and 12. HA!
I would rather do Hot Yoga than sit in traffic. My wife does it- good for her. But me? I'm not flexible. I'm not patient. And I sweat like a pig.
Foop is synonymous with Shart, it's when you think you've got a fart that turns out to be accompanied by more than gas….and a warning, thought I could give you a nice link for the definition but it turns out you don't want to google either of those words, not pleasant search results.
Rob, there's ALWAYS a back way…and you can't tell me you don't know how to skydive!
Everybody suffers when there's cats involved.
I don't mind traffic ever since I discovered the comedy stations on Pandora last week.
I listen to audiobooks and podcasts as well.
But before my unnecessary iPhone addiction? I would have rather taken a cheese grater to my eyeballs than sit in traffic.
Snart FTW!